SILENT MONK

A short comedy film script by Colin Clayton and Obin Ahmed
(Emphasize squeaky sounds throughout the film i.e. as in “God we trust” – Marty Feldman film”)
Monk is small and light

Other Ideas of things that could happen to the monk

1. He ends up on a rifle range and all bullets bounce off of him
2. He’s catapulted, spaceship beams him up, taken to another galaxy
Where other Buddhas have become enlightened, falls into the centre of the earth
3. Shot of ants scurrying into his robes which cause him to fidget and
Contort into funny position (still eyes shut)

Nepal Himalayas

Scene One – Interior monastery morning

Short scene of chanting and Tibetan horns
A monk is sitting right near the horns and cymbals.
He’s falling asleep.
The horn sounds and wakes him up with a shock.
The cymbal wakes him up
Silent monk shuffling around – overemphasize squeaky sounds and other sounds in comical way
Thin monk given thin bowl of gruel – fat monk given big bowl and medium monk given medium bowl,
Monk exits monastery or is taken outside after letting one go.
He’s put on the ridge in a mountain temple on a wooden throne
Snow outside, he’s seated cross legged and he’s in deep meditation with eyes closed all the time
When he slips off the ridge – or is accidentally pushed off – he slides down the slope which is icy to fly off into mid air and land on a paraglider.
The glider grabs him around the waist in mid air.
The monk is still crossed legged and meditating on the wooden throne.
Paraglider drops him into tree where he’s balancing on one branch
Monkeys appears as he meditates jumping up and down pulling his mouth, cheeks, nose, ears and throwing fruit at him
One monkey sits in perfect meditation on the top of his head.
Monkey remains as silent companion throughout adventures
(Throughout film emphasis of comical expressions of monkey)
One large fruit hits him on the head and knocks him out of the tree
He lands on an elephant which is walking by.
He has a monkey on his shoulders with his arms in a caress around the monk’s head.
Bird flies overhead and shits over his head.
Then knocked off the elephant by some means and lands under another tree.
The elephant charges and head butts him sending him rolling down the hill with legs still crossed.
Bounces down the hill and lands on a bus which is traveling very fast.
The bus comes to a bridge, it knocks him off.
He then lands on the front of a bike with a man with a heavy load.
This makes the man go off balance a bit
Bike goes down a hill very fast, cyclist puts on brakes and the monk flies off the bike through the air and lands in the middle of the crossroads where traffic is speeding past him.
Elephants, dogs, cows and mosquitoes buzzing around
Monkey on a little bike goes past
Yeti walks past
Mosquito shot, buzzing sound,
The camera assimilating flying lands on his head.
Mosquitoes start sucking his blood while he’s sitting in the middle of the road.
Emphasize sucking sounds (speeded up footage maybe)
An ambulance pulls up and they put him on the trolley onto the ambulance
He’s taken to the hospital where’s he’s examined
Then they leave him in the corridor on a slope
Somebody comes up and takes the brake off accidentally sending him rolling down the corridor towards the window.

He flies out of the window and lands on a motor bike rickshaw

Motorbike rickshaw either taking him to the port to get on a boat or its going to the airport where he ends up on the plane by some means or on a ship bound for somewhere.

The ship sinks or the plane crashes whereby he ends up on the sea for months.
Shots of boats just missing him as he’s floating on sea
A dolphin comes up to him.
It’s very happy to see him
He’s then swallowed by a whale and then he comes out to a beach in

India whereby he is taken to the local temple and worshiped.

He’s at a Hindu temple and after a while people start to question if he really is a Hindu deity – because he hasn’t got ten arms
Immediately arrested and taken to police station where he is closely interrogated but does not speak.
Monk told gruffly that he and monkey can’t leave until he talks.
Months go by and in the dungeons both their hairs grow.
Monkey is sitting next to him meditating
Bird comes in through bars of window
Bird is a female
She lands on his head and tries to get snug and warm
She’s nesting in his hair.
Then male bird enters to see if she’s all right
She nags him to get twigs and leaves for nest
She builds it
He gets twigs, she builds nest on monk’s head
She lays the eggs
Weeks later, chicks hatch.
The chicks grow up and leave the nest but the nest is still on monk’s head
Looks like a hat

Monkey then jumps out of cell bars, goes to guardroom where main guard is sleeping.
Monkey steals the keys rushes off to the other side of the road where there is a supermarket, borrows flat trolley and brings it quietly into the police station again. We see silhouette shots of the monkey on the wall steals the trolley.
Monkey unlocks monk’s door, pushes him off the bed onto the trolley.

Next shot silhouette of monkey pulling monk on trolley out of police station
Rope tied to trolley
Monkey is pulling him down the road
The monk falls down the drain and lands in the waters in the sewers
Shot of monkey looking down drain at monk
Monkey falls through sewers and falls on monk’s head
Coming out of the drains into the bathing ghats of the Ganges
Some women see the monk and the monkey and think they are both monkeys.
Monkeys are seen as symbols of good luck so the women go to grab them as they float down the stream
Hair of thousands of yogis that are bathing in the Ganges gets stuck to him because the shit acts as glue.
He’s totally covered in hair

Women take both out of the river and both are cleaned.
Women scream when they realise that monk is not a monkey.
Sudden steam pocket shoots monk and monkey high up into the air
They land in a building site inside a cement mixer which goes round and round.
Shot of two faces as they go round and round
Man with shovel is big and pulls the two out with the shovel without seeing them.
He throws them right into the conveyor belt of the factory next door in through an open window
With cement monkey stuck to monk’s head
Monkey with cemented grin
In the factory which makes Buddhas they are sprayed with gold paint.

Both left to dry in a line of drying Buddhas in factory.
Then taken to a shop where they stay for a while in the front window.
Monkey cemented on monk’s head.
Chinese couple from restaurant come and see the statue.
They decide to buy and take to the restaurant
The two stay in the restaurant as symbols of good luck for months
Fancy Dress Party in restaurant – for the first time monk gets off wooden throne and goes to munch some peanuts in a bowl.
Unseen by everyone but a drunken person who no
one believes anyway
Monk goes back to usual seated position.

Then wandering band of gypsies come up in their horse carts and want to buy statue.
Much haggling takes place.
Gypsies go to Nepal.
They end up at the abbot monk’s original monastery
The head monk of the monastery sees it as a perfect Buddha deity
In the central meditation hall their old Buddha deity is getting old and shabby
Swapped with gypsies who will sell old Buddha deity to make as tin cans in the market at Katmandu.
Monk Buddha statue put on plinth
Everyone bows down to the statue now
When summer reaches its peak, the gold paint and cement crack and the monk emerges out of his shell like a butterfly.

“Where have you been..?”
“We’ve been looking for you everywhere…!”
“Oh nowhere much !”
“And what have you learned in your long absence…?”
“Absolutely nothing…..!”
“Wow…. You must be enlightened….!”

Cut 2 – shot of monk meditating with monkey, monk farts, monkey laughs,
Monks take him outside again
Put him on ridge, he falls, story cycles.
Monkey laughs !
The End
copyright feb 7 2010
colin clayton obin ahmed